


Epithet Falls

by Underlander413



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon), Gravity Falls
Genre: Crossover, Epithet Erased Gravity Falls AU, Gen, awww yeah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21984001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underlander413/pseuds/Underlander413
Summary: Gravity Falls, Oregon, is a strange town, for more reasons than one, as Dipper and Mabel Pines will discover during their stay. It’s also the only place Dipper’s ever been that makes his epithet flip out like he’ll die if it stops for a half second. Because of course it is.
Comments: 95
Kudos: 154





	1. Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people like this! If so, I’ll write more, but if it seems like nobody cares, I probably won’t, so please leave kudos and comments if you want more!

Gravity Falls, Oregon. Dipper had never been there, and normally he wouldn’t think of such a small town so far away from his home of Piedmont, California, but there were two things that really set this place apart from any other backwoods town like it. 

First of all, it was where he and his twin sister, Mabel, were going to be staying for the summer. 

Second of all, it had an extremely large amount of citizens with epithets. 

Epithets - a unique word attached to one’s soul. If you have an epithet, you’re inscribed, and if you don’t, you’re a mundie. Most people were mundies - approximately eighty percent, or four in every five people. The remaining twenty percent were inscribed. This was also how many inscribed most towns and cities had, at most. Sometimes less, with some small towns having so little inscribed, you could count them on one hand. 

Gravity Falls was a notable exception, as, apparently, most, if not all, of the people living there were inscribed. Dipper had doubted it when his parents first told them, thinking that the town maybe had an above average percentage of inscribed and his parents were probably just exaggerating to make him excited for the trip, since he obviously didn’t like the whole idea of spending his entire summer vacation in a town he’d never been to with a relative he barely knew, but Mabel couldn’t feel the slightest hint of guilt from them. 

Speaking of his sister, Dipper turned his head to look at her. They had been on the bus to Gravity Falls for a while, and Mabel was bouncing up and down in her seat. She must’ve been really excited, since Dipper’s boredom was doing nothing to calm her down, and boy was he bored. 

While both their mom and dad were mundies, the twins were inscribed. Mabel’s epithet was Empathy, and she had three main uses for it so far. She could feel the emotions of others, even if they hid them, make others feel her emotions, and make others feel each other’s emotions. She wasn’t an expert at the last one yet, and the first two often happened without her trying, but it was still pretty impressive, especially considering the fact that she was only twelve years old. Dipper only really had one use for his epithet so far. 

The twins were the only two people on the bus aside from the driver, and Dipper had already finished the book he’d brought to read during the ride, as well as the backup book he’d brought for if he finished the first one. He had more in his suitcase, of course, but he didn’t feel like moving around unless it was to get off the bus. 

“We’ll arrive at Gravity Falls sometime within the next hour,” the driver told them, and Mabel’s bouncing somehow became even faster. Dipper didn’t react at first, but then a hand flew to his stomach. The feeling in his gut was hard to describe; it wasn’t painful at all, but it wasn’t pleasant, either. Uncomfortable, maybe? Whatever it was, it was also definitely unusual, no matter how many times Dipper felt it, and he’d felt it multiple times before. 

Dipper’s epithet was Curiosity, and so far the only real use he got out of it was completely out of his control. Whenever he was nearby something that had some sort of mystery about it, he got a feeling in his gut, like he was some kind of human radar. The most use he’d gotten out of it so far was when he misplaced something, and even then it wasn’t always helpful. A lost book turning up in a bathroom cabinet was one thing, but an eraser in his backpack was no mystery, even when it should’ve been somewhere else. The other main time it activated was in passing, like it was at the moment. Sometimes, for instance, he’d pass by something that was hidden in some way, and he’d get a little ping in the pit of his stomach, small and barely there, sometimes to the point he that didn’t realize it had happened until a few seconds later. This one, however, was big enough that he felt it instantly, and it didn’t go away as fast as usual. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, though, so Dipper waited for it to pass. A few minutes went by without it disappearing, and Dipper started to panic a bit as he realized the feeling was growing. He had theorized that this might happen if he ever approached a mystery big enough to be felt from a distance, but it had never actually _happened_ before. 

“Hey, you okay?” Mabel asked him. She had stopped bouncing and turned to face him with a worried expression. While intense, prolonged boredom wasn’t enough to stop her, a small bit of sudden panic was, which Dipper had always been grateful for. 

“My epithet’s acting weird,” he said. “The feeling’s growing.” 

“‘Growing’?” she repeated, surprised. “What d’ya mean growing?” 

“It started a few minutes ago, just after the driver said something, and the feeling’s getting stronger,” Dipper explained. 

Mabel thought for a moment, frowning as her brow furrowed. “...Haven’t you said something about this happening before?” she asked. 

Dipper shook his head. “No, I just said I thought it might, if I ever got close to a big mystery. It’s never actually happened,” he said. 

They discussed it for a while longer, the feeling growing stronger and stronger, until eventually the bus stopped. They’d arrived in Gravity Falls. 

They took their bags and walked up to the front, Mabel gifting the bus driver a smiley face sticker, which he had her stick on the steering wheel, then the twins stepped off the bus. A man in a black suit and a red and gold fez was waiting for them. 

“Hey! Dipper and Mabel, yeah?” the man asked, grinning. 

“That’s us!” Mabel said, and Dipper nodded. 

“I’m your Great Uncle Stanford, but you can just call me Grunkle Stan!” the man said. He took their suitcases and went to put them in the trunk of his car. 

“D’ya want a sticker, Grunkle Stan?” Mabel asked. 

“I’m not one to reject anything that’s free!” Stan told her. 

Mabel peeled off a heart shaped sticker from her sheet. “Where do you want it?” 

Stan kneeled down and pointed at his nose. “Right here, exactly.” 

“Boop!” she said, sticking it on his nose. She giggled as the three got into Stan’s car. 

The feeling in Dipper’s gut hadn’t diminished at all, and while he had calmed down somewhat, he was still freaking out a bit, and hadn’t said anything since getting off the bus. He looked at his lap for the first minute or so of the car ride, but then Stan spoke up. 

“So Dipstick,” he said. Dipper looked up. “You haven’t said a word so far, is somethin’ wrong? I mean, you _can_ talk, right? Or do you just hate me already?” 

He said the last part in a joking tone, and he was smiling, but Mabel actually felt a bit of worry coming from him, like he was afraid Dipper would say yes. She decided not to mention it, and just tell him the truth. 

“Dipper’s epithet is acting kinda weird, but he’s fine,” Mabel said, and she felt relief come from her great uncle for a moment. 

“Ah, that’s right, you’re both inscribed! You’ll fit right in here!” Stan said. 

Mabel started to bounce in excitement once more, even squealing a bit. “This is gonna be great!” 

“Excited, huh?” Stan asked, and she nodded rapidly. 

“I love learning about new epithets! There are so many fun ones!” she said. 

After a few more minutes, the car came to a halt, and everyone got out. “Welcome to the Mystery Shack!” Stan said. 

“‘Mystery Shack’?” Dipper mumbled. 

“Hey, he really does speak!” Stan said, but Dipper ignored him, thinking. 

This place practically screamed “fake tourist trap garbage” even from outside, but could it be what was causing his discomfort? Epithets could be weird, and he’d never really had a chance to properly hone his, so... 

They walked inside a gift shop area, and the feeling grew to the point that, for a second, Dipper thought he might throw up. Thankfully, he didn’t, and as Grunkle Stan led them upstairs to the attic, the feeling subsided just a little. Maybe it was just the Mystery Shack. 

——— 

Yeah, it definitely wasn’t just the Mystery Shack. 

The twins had been in Gravity Falls for a few days, and at one point during that time, Dipper had tried to take a walk in the woods, key word tried. He’d taken ten steps, the feeling growing a bit with each one, and had promptly turned around and went back into the shack. Also, despite the minimal time he had spent outside, he had somehow collected dozens of mosquito bites that spelled out “BEWARE” (well, they actually spelled out “BEWARB”, but close enough). There was something _wrong_ with this town, that was for certain. Especially the woods. 

So obviously, Stan had made Dipper go into the woods to hang up signs. 

The deeper in he went, the stronger the feeling in his gut got. He was getting used to it somewhat, but that didn’t mean he felt _better_ , it just meant he didn’t have to stop to make sure he didn’t vomit every time he walked into the gift shop. 

He mumbled to himself as he hammered the nails for the signs into the trees. And then he stopped. He had just tried to hammer a nail, only for the “tree” in front of him to give off a metallic _clang_. For a moment, he forgot how to breathe. He hit his hammer against the “tree” once, twice, confirming he hadn’t been imagining things. He wiped his hand across the surface of the false tree, creating a streak in the dust and finding a small space, like the edge of a panel. Dipper opened it. 

Inside was a small device with two switches on top. He flipped one back and forth a couple times - nothing. He flipped the other one and immediately heard the sound of something mechanic behind him, as well as a goat bleating and running away. 

He walked over to the small hole that had appeared in the ground, his heartbeat picking up. He kneeled down and looked inside to see a book that had probably been there longer than he’d been alive, but still seemed to be intact. 

He picked it up and blew the dust off. The book was mostly a dark red, with some gold parts, most notably the six fingered hand in the middle that had a black “3” written on it. 

That feeling in his gut spiked to the point that, in any other situation, he might have considered it unbearable. 

Dipper couldn’t care less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if you liked it and want more, please leave kudos and comments!


	2. First Mystery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you like this chapter! I put in a hint to an epithet that won’t be revealed for a few chapters! Can you find it?

Dipper opened the strange book. “‘It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I started studying the strange and wonderous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon.’ What is all this?” he wondered, flipping through the pages a bit before he settled on one and began to read once more. “‘Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched. I must hide this book before _he_ finds it. Remember: in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust.’” 

Dipper closed the book. “No one you can trust...” 

“HELLO!” 

“AH!” Dipper screamed, almost dropping the journal. 

“What’cha readin’, some nerd thing?” Mabel asked. She had managed to sneak up to the large log behind Dipper while he was distracted. 

“Uh, uh, it’s nothing!” he lied. Mabel gave him a look, and he crumbled near instantly. He was a bad liar in general, but he could never hope to get anything past her. They were siblings, and she could literally feel his emotions. “Okay, so, maybe it’s something,” he said. 

“You don’t have to show me if you don’t want to,” Mabel said. “I’m just happy for you! You’ve been upset since Mom and Dad told us about coming here, and it only got worse when your epithet started acting up, but now you’re so exited! I was trying to find you by following your grumpiness, and then _wham!_ I got hit by sudden excitement, like-like a train made of puppies!” 

“...I guess I am pretty excited,” Dipper said. He, like many times before, hadn’t realized his feelings until his sister pointed them out, but he really was excited! This was proof that this town was weird, a lead on why his epithet was activated! It hadn’t made that feeling in his stomach disappear, but he felt better in a different way. 

“Soooo?” Mabel asked. “Gonna show me, or keep it to yourself?” 

Dipper looked around for a second, holding the book to his chest as he saw the goat, Gompers, walking towards him. This book was obviously important; no way he was gonna let a goat eat it. “Let’s go back to the shack,” he said. 

——— 

Back in the shack’s living room, Mabel sat on the arm of the couch chair as Dipper showed her the journal. “It’s amazing!” he said. “Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side!” 

“Whoa! Shut. Up!” she said, pushing him playfully. “That must be what’s making your epithet act all crazy!” 

“Yeah!” Dipper agreed, nodding excitedly. “But get this! After a certain point, the pages just... stop. Like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared... this could be a chance for me to actually use my epithet regularly, like you!” 

Mabel smiled, but before she could say something, the doorbell rang. 

“Who’s that?” Dipper asked, and Mabel’s smile widened. 

“Well, time to spill the beans!” she said, tipping over a can of beans on the nearby table. “Boop! Beans! This girl’s got a date! Woot woot!” She fell back, giggling. 

“Let me get this straight: in the half hour I was gone, you already found a boyfriend?” Dipper asked. 

“What can I say? I guess I’m just IRRESISTIBLLLLE!” Mabel said, flapping the sleeves of her sweater around. The doorbell rang twice more in quick succession. “Ooh! Coming!” she yelled, running off. 

Dipper sat down in the chair and started reading the journal until he heard Grunkle Stan speak. “What’cha reading there, slick?” 

“Oh, I was just catching up on, uh...” Dipper started, hiding the journal and grabbing a magazine off the side table, knocking away the can of beans in the process. “...‘Gold Chains For Old Men Magazine’?” 

“That’s a good issue,” Stan said, leaning against the chair. 

“Heyyyyy famillly!” Mabel said, and both Dipper and Stan turned to her. “Say hello to my new boyfriend!” The boy turned around, and Dipper’s breath caught in his throat. 

“‘Sup?” the boy said, and Dipper managed to choke out a simple greeting back. Mabel said something he couldn’t hear over the ringing in his ears. 

“So, um, what’s... what’s your name?” Dipper asker, shakily. 

“Uh... Normal... Man!” the boy said. 

“He means Norman,” Mabel said. 

“A-are you... bleeding?” Dipper asked. 

Norman looked away for a second. “...It’s jam...” 

Mabel gasped. “I love jam!” she said. “Look. At. This!” 

It was then that Dipper totally lost focus. Norman and Mabel both said things he couldn’t hear, then they left, and Dipper saw Stan looking at him, concerned. 

“...You alright there?” Stan asked. Dipper nodded “You sure? I’ve been trying to get you attention for the past thirty seconds!” 

“I just... I think I’m gonna puke,” Dipper said. Stan’s eyes widened, and he asked if Dipper wanted anything for his stomach. As soon as Stan got an answer, he was off. Dipper sighed, thinking to himself. 

_What was that?_

——— 

A bit later, Dipper sat alone in a mostly empty room, going through the journal. He was sure there was something wrong with Norman, and he intended to find out what. He eventually reached a page titled ‘The Undead’ and started to read it. 

“‘Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, these creatures are often mistaken for... teenagers!? Beware Gravity Falls’s nefarious...’” Dipper gasped. “‘ZOMBIE!’” 

He looked out the window to see Norman, with his arms outstretched, walking towards Mabel, who sat on top of a picnic table, swinging her legs. 

“Oh no, Mabel!” Dipper shouted, banging on the window. “No, no, Mabel watch out!” 

Norman reached her and, after a second, moved away. He had... given her a flower necklace? Dipper saw her smile. 

“Is my sister really dating a zombie, or is my epithet making me paranoid?” Dipper asked himself, standing up. 

“It’s a dilemma to be sure,” someone said. Dipper gasped, looking up to see the handyman, Soos, screwing in a lightbulb. “I couldn’t help but overhear you talkin’ aloud to yourself in this empty room.” 

“Soos, you’ve seen Mabel’s boyfriend. He’s gotta be a zombie, right?” Dipper asked. 

Soos looked thoughtful. “Hmm. How many brains didja see the guy eat?” 

“Zero...” Dipper said. “But when I saw him, my epithet acted up!” 

“Your epithet? Does it, like, detect zombies?” Soos asked. 

“Well, it could, I guess, but it more detects mysteries...” Dipper admitted. 

“Look, dude, I believe you. I’m always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty sure that dude’s a werewolf,” Soos said. “But ya gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people are gonna think you’re a major league cuckoo clock.” 

“As always, Soos, you’re right,” Dipper said, nodding. 

“My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse,” Soos said. From downstairs, the two heard Stan call for Soos. “I am needed elsewhere,” he said, walking backwards out of the room. 

——— 

Dipper followed Mabel and Norman around for a while, and he was even more certain than before that Norman was a zombie. He walked into the room the twins shared in the attic. “Mabel, we’ve gotta talk about Norman.” 

“Isn’t he the best? Check out this giant smooch mark he gave me!” Mabel said, turning her head to reveal a large, red mark on her cheek. Dipper screamed. “Haha! Gullible! It was just an accident with the leaf blower!” she said. Dipper wasn’t sure he wanted to know how that would happen. “That was fun.” 

“No, Mabel, listen! I’m trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems!” Dipper said, taking the journal out of his jacket. 

Mabel gasped. “You think he might a vampire? That would be so _awesome_!” 

“Guess again, sister, SHA-BAM!” he said, opening the journal and showing her. She screamed, and he realized he’d flipped to the Gnomes page instead of the Undead one. “Oh, wait, I’m-I’m sorry,” he turned to the correct page. “SHA-BAM!” 

“A zombie? That is not funny, Dipper,” Mabel said. 

“I’m not joking!” he said, starting to pace around. “It all adds up: the bleeding, the limp. He never blinks! Have you noticed that?” 

“Maybe he’s blinking when you’re blinking.” 

“He makes my epithet flip out!” 

“The _entire town_ makes your epithet flip out!” Mabel pointed out. “I can tell that Norman really likes me! It almost feels like he’s multiple people! Do you really wanna take this away from me?” 

“No, but... Mabel, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls?” Dipper asked, looking around. “Trust no one!” 

“Well what about me, huh? Why can’t you trust me?” Mabel asked. She put on a pair of star shaped earrings. “Beep bop!” 

“Mabel,” Dipper said, shaking her. “He’s going to eat you brain!” 

Mabel pushed him away, starting to get angry. She lost control of her epithet, and Dipper could feel how angry she was. That was when he knew he’d messed up. “Dipper, listen to me. Norman and I are going on at date at five o’clock, and I’m gonna be ADORABLE, and he’s gonna be DREAMY, and I know you’re having problems with your epithet, but I’m NOT going to let that ruin this for me!” she said, pushing him out of the room as she did. 

She slammed the door, and Dipper sighed, sitting down. “What am I going to do now?” 

——— 

At five o’clock, the doorbell rang, and Mabel ran downstairs, pulling on the sweater she’d chosen. “Coming!” she said. She opened the door. “Hey, Norman. How do I look?” 

“Shiny...” Norman said. 

“You always know what to say!” Mabel said. The two of them walked off as Dipper watched. 

“Soos was right. I don’t have any real evidence,” he said, looking at the footage he’d collected. “I guess I am being a bit paranoid, even though- wait, WHAT!?” He rewinded the footage to confirm what he’d seen: Norman’s hand fell off, and he reattached it. 

Dipper screamed, falling back in the chair and tipping it over. “I was right! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” he ran outside to where Grunkle Stan was. He tried calling out to him, but he was too focused on the customers. Then, Dipper saw Wendy drive up in the golf cart, so he ran over to her. 

“Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my sister from a zombie!” he said, waving his hands around. She dropped the keys in his hand, and he flinched a bit; they were colder than he expected them to be. 

“Try not to hit any pedestrians!” she said, winking and walking off. Dipper smiled, then got in the cart. He backed up for a second, but stopped when he saw Soos. 

“Dude, it’s me. Soos,” he said. He handed Dipper a shovel. “This is for the zombies.” 

“Thanks.” 

Soos handed him a bat. “And this is in case you see a piñata.” 

“Uh... thanks?” Dipper said. He started to drive once more. 

“Better safe than sorry!” Soos called after him. 

As Dipper drove into the woods, he heard a scream. “Don’t worry Mabel, I’ll save you from that zombie!” 

“Help!” he heard Mabel scream from somewhere nearby. He turned into a small path off the main road. 

“Hold on!” 

Soon, he saw his sister trying to fight off... a bunch of gnomes? 

Dipper got out of the cart, shovel in hand. Looking at the gnomes gave him the same gut feeling looking at Norman did. “What the heck is going on here?” A gnome ran by and stopped to hiss at him, making him drop the shovel. 

“Dipper! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes they’re total jerks!” Mabel said. She punched a gnome in the head, and it tugged at her hair. “Hair! Hair! Hair!” 

“Gnomes? Huh, I was way off,” Dipper mumbled. He took out the journal and flipped to the Gnome page. “‘Gnomes: little men of the Gravity Falls Forest. Weaknesses: unknown.” 

“Aww, come on!” Mabel yelled. The gnomes had managed to tie her to the ground. 

“Hey, HEY! Let go of my sister!” Dipper demanded, walking up to the brown haired gnome who seemed to be the leader. 

The gnome turned around. “Oh, ha ha, hey, there. You see, this is all a big misunderstanding. Your sister’s not in any danger-” 

“Don’t lie to me,” Dipper said, cutting him off. He could feel Mabel’s fear from where he stood. He felt angry, and heard a ringing in his ears. He was shaking where he stood, and while the leader gnome didn’t notice, the others certainly did. They looked at each other nervously and started to back away from Mabel. 

The leader gnome was saying something, some kind of threat, but Dipper didn’t listen. He just picked the gnome up with the shovel and tossed him away. He ran to Mabel and used the shovel to cut the ropes holding her down, then they ran to the golf cart and he drove away. 

“Hurry, before they come after us!” Mabel said. 

“They’ve got small legs, we’ll be fine,” Dipper said, panting a bit. He had had a lot of energy a minute ago, but now it was gone. An adrenaline rush, he supposed. 

After a moment, the twins heard, and even felt, something. Like a tree falling. Dipper slammed on the breaks, and they both turned around to see a giant gnome. 

“Oh noooooooo...” Mabel whispered. Looking closer, they realized it was all the gnomes stacked together, like some kind of super-mega-gnome. It raised an arm, and Dipper drove as Mabel screamed. They just barely avoided being hit. 

“Come back with our queen!” 

Mabel turned to look back. “It’s getting closer!” 

A few gnomes were thrown at the cart. One bit part of the roof off, and another hung from the side near Mabel. She elbowed it, and it fell. 

Another gnome approached Dipper from behind, but before it could do anything, he took it in his hand and slammed it against the steering wheel twice. “Shmebulock!” said the gnome, and Dipper hit it against the wheel one more time and let go. Another gnome jumped on Dipper’s face and started scratching. 

“I’ll save you, Dipper!” Mabel shouted. She punched the gnome several times (and Dipper once), and it flew off, taking Dipper’s hat with it. 

“Thanks, Mabel,” Dipper said, dazed. 

“Don’t mention it,” she said. 

A shadow passed over them, and they turned around. “Look out!” Mabel shouted as a tree landed in front of them. 

The twins screamed as Dipper changed paths to go under a tree trunk. They crashed in front of the shack, the golf cart landing on it’s side. They crawled out, groaning. The gnome giant approached them. 

“Stay back, man!” Dipper yelled, throwing his shovel. The giant punched it to the ground. Dipper and Mabel held onto each other, screaming. 

“Uh, where’s Grunkle Stan?” 

“How would I know!?” 

“It’s the end of the line, kids! Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!” the leader gnome said from the very top of the giant. The twins backed away, Dipper standing in front of Mabel protectively. 

“There’s gotta be a way out of this!” Dipper said, looking around. As he began to take the journal out of his best, Mabel walked forward. 

“I gotta do it,” she said. 

“What!?” he asked, moving to stand beside her. “Mabel, don’t do this! Are you crazy!?” 

“Dipper,” she said, not even turning to look at him. “Trust me.” 

He would’ve asked what she was talking about, but in that moment, Mabel projected her emotions to him. He felt a strong sense of conviction, which he had felt from her before, but what really shocked him was the anger. Mabel didn’t get angry very often, and when she did, it was usually second to another emotion, like sadness. But now, Dipper felt his sister bubbling with rage, like a volcano about to explode, and the fact that she managed to keep a straight face shocked him. “...Okay,” he said, backing away from her. 

“Alright, Jeff,” Mabel said. “I’ll marry you.” 

“Hot dog!” the leader, Jeff, said. He started to climb down to her, talking to the gnomes he passed. When he reached the ground, he pulled out a small box with a ring. “Eh? Eh?” Mabel held her hand out, and Jeff put the ring on her finger. “Bada-bing, bada-bam! Let’s get you back into the forest, honey!” 

“You may now kiss the bride!” Mabel said. 

Jeff stopped and turned around. “Well, don't mind if I do!” he said. They both moved in, but when he closed his eyes, Mabel leaned back, turned on the leaf blower, and shoved it in his face. 

“Ah, hey, hey, wait a minute! Whoa, whoa! Wh-what’s goin’ on!?” Jeff said. He resisted, but soon got sucked into the leaf blower. 

“That’s for lying to me!” Mabel said. She turned up the power. “THAT’S for breaking my heart!” 

“Ow, my face!” Jeff screamed. 

“And THIS is for messing with my brother!” she said, facing Dipper. She took aim. “Wanna do the honors?” 

“On three!” 

“One, two, three!” they said, and then they fired. 

Jeff went right through the gnome giant, and it felt apart. “I’ll get you back for thiiiiiis!” he screamed as he flew into the distance. The other gnomes started to panic. 

“Who’s giving orders? I need orders!” 

“My arms are tired.” 

Mabel stuck the leaf blower in their faces. 

“Anyone else want some?” Dipper asked. 

The gnomes scattered, one getting stuck in some plastic rings. The goat, Gompers, carried it off. 

The twins started walking back to the shack, but Mabel stopped. “Hey, Dipper,” she said. He stopped and turned around. “I, um...I’m sorry for not taking your advice. I felt your fear, but I thought you were being paranoid... I was just so happy to have someone like me so much, but I guess they didn’t really like me as much as I thought...” 

“Oh, don’t be like that! You saved our butts back there!” Dipper said. 

“I guess I’m just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes...” she said, picking a leaf out of her hair. 

“Look on the bright side,” he said. “Maybe the next one will be a vampire.” 

“Oh, you're just saying that,” she said, giving him a light punch on the arm. 

“Awkward sibling hug?” 

“Awkward sibling hug.” 

The twins hugged, silent for a moment, then pat each other’s backs a couple times. “Pat, pat.” 

They walked into the Mystery Shack, seeing Stan behind the counter. “Yeesh, you two get hit by a bus or something?” he asked, laughing. They didn’t respond, just started to walk away until he spoke up again. “Uh, hey! W-wouldn’t you know it? Um, I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so, uh... how’s about each of you take one item from the gift shop? On the house, y’know?” 

“Really?” Mabel asked, clasping her hands. 

“What’s the catch?” Dipper asked, crossing his arms. 

“The catch is do it before I change my mind, now take something,” Stan said. 

They looked around, and Dipper ended up choosing a white and blue hat with a pine tree on the front, since a gnome had taken his old one. Mabel chose a grappling hook. She immediately got stuck to the ceiling. 

——— 

That night, Dipper was writing in the journal about the day’s events when he realized something. “Hey,” he said, and Mabel turned to him. “The feeling in my stomach decreased a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I hope you liked it! Please leave a comment!


	3. A New Friend at the Lake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to self promote, but I’m going to self promote. Go read my Reverse Falls fic (it’s got pansexual Reverse Gideon and a cipher at the end of every chapter!)

Dipper and Mabel were standing... somewhere. They were blindfolded, so they couldn’t tell. It smelled like fish, but that could mean a lot of things. 

“Okay, okay, open ‘em up!” they heard Stan say. The twins took their blindfolds off. “Ta-Da! It’s fishin’ season!” 

“Fishing?” Mabel said. She tried to feel Stan’s emotions, but that had become progressively harder since they had first arrived in Gravity Falls; he had probably been blocking her out, but she wasn’t sure whether or not it was on purpose. 

“What’re you playin’ at, old man?” Dipper asked. He felt his epithet activating (or, more accurately, activating more), which meant that something _might_ happen, but there was no guarantee. He had been attempting to “train” his epithet in a few ways, like to react only to large mysteries, but the only real chance for that so far had been the gnomes. 

“You’re gonna love it! The whole towns out here!” Stan said. He looked out at the lake, which was full of weird people doing weird things, because it was, after all, Gravity Falls. “That’s some quality family bonding!” 

“Grunkle Stan, why do you wanna bond with us all of a sudden?” Dipper asked. He was suspicious, and rightfully so, considering that the last time Stan said he wanted to bond with them, they spent a night in jail. 

“Come on, this is gonna be great!” he said, walking over to them. “I’ve never had fishing buddies before. The guys from the lodge won’t go with me: they don’t ‘like or trust’ me.” 

Mabel tilted her head to the side, looking at Dipper. “I think he’s serious,” she whispered. 

“Hey, I know what’ll cheer you sad sacks up,” Stan said, slapping hats on the twins’ heads. “Pow! Pines family fishing hats! That- that’s hand stitching, you know.” 

The “L” on Mabel’s peeled off as they stared. 

“It’s just gonna be you, me, and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!” Stan told them. 

“Ten hours?” Dipper asked, hoping he’d heard wrong. 

“I brought the joke book!” Stan said, holding up a book called _1001 Yuk ‘Em Ups_. 

“No, NO!” Dipper said, recoiling. 

“There has to be a way out of this...” Mabel mumbled. 

“I SEEN IT! I SEEN IT AGAIN!” someone shouted. The Pines all looked towards the dock to see an old man with a long, white beard... with a bandage on it? He ran around, breaking everything in his path and, at one point, slapping a sandwich out of a man’s hand while everyone (except for one strangely dressed man) watched. “The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker! Come quick before it scrabdoodles away!” he said, then started dancing. 

“Aww, he’s doing a happy jig!” Mabel said. 

“NOOO!” the old man said, grabbing her shoulder. “It’s a jig of grave danger!” 

“Hey, hey!” a man called out, exiting the nearby building. “Now what did I tell you about scaring my customers? This is you last warning, Dad!” Mabel winced at that. The man sprayed his father with water. 

“But I got proof this time, by gummity!” 

Everyone followed the old man - McGucket, the twins overheard someone call him - to the dock, where a small boat sat in the water, split in half. “BEHOLD!” McGucket yelled, pointing at it. “It’s the Gobble-dy-wonker that done did it! It had a long neck like a gee-raffe, and wrinkly skin like...like this gentleman right here!” He pointed to Stan, who was only half listening. 

“Huh?” 

“It chawed my boat up to smitheroons, and shim-shammed over to Scuttlebutt Island!” McGucket continued. He grabbed his son’s arm. “YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME!” 

“Attention all units!” one of two nearby policemen said. “We’ve got ourselves a crazy old man!” Everyone except for the three Pines, McGucket’s son, and one other girl laughed. Mabel flinched, and Dipper rubbed her back comfortingly. She had told him before that joy born of negative emotions made her feel bad, both emotionally and physically. The old man’s son shook his head, ashamed. 

“Aww, donkey spittle!” McGucket said, walking away. “Aww, banjo polish!” 

“Well, that happened,” Stan said once everyone else had left. “Now let’s untie this boat and get out on that lake!” 

As Stan stepped into the small rowboat, Dipper turned to Mabel. “Mabel, did you hear what that old dude said?” 

“Aww donkey shpittle!” she said in a fake accent. 

“The other thing. About the monster!” he said, taking a newspaper out of his jacket. He opened it to a page with an advertisement for a photo contest. “If we can snag a photo of it, we can split the prize fifty-fifty!” 

Mabel gasped. “That's two fifties!” 

“Imagine what you could do with five. Hundred. Dollars!” 

Mabel spaced out. When she was still spacing out a couple minutes later, Dipper snapped his fingers in her face, calling her name. She focused again and looked at him, determination literally radiating off her. “Dipper, I am one MILLION percent on board with this!” 

“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper said, walking over to his great uncle and putting an arm around his shoulder. “Change of plans: we’re taking that boat to Scuttlebutt Island, and we’re gonna find that Gobblewonker!” 

Dipper went back over to Mabel, and the twins began to chant. “Monster hunt! Monster hunt!” 

“Monster hunt!” McGucket cheered, standing a few feet away from the twins. The twins and Stan stared at him. “Monster... Eh... I’ll go.” He ran off, back to... somewhere. 

_Honk hoooonk!_

“You dudes say something about a monster hunt?” 

“Soos!” Mabel said, stepping closer to the boat Soos stood in. 

“Wassup, hambone!” Soos greeted, and he and Mabel fist bumped, making explosion noises. 

“Dude, you can totally use my boat for your hunt. It’s got a steering wheel, chairs; normal boat stuff,” he said, patting the side of the boat, which was apparently named the S.S. _Cool Dude_. 

“Alright, alright,” Stan started, and the others turned to him. “Let’s think this through. Ya kids could go waste your time on some epic monster-finding adventure, _or_ you could spend the day learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your Great Uncle Stan!” 

The twins looked at Soos, who was doing the robot on the S.S. _Cool Dude_ , then at Stan’s dingy old boat, _Stanowar_ , then out at Scuttlebutt Island in the distance. They grinned at each other. 

“So, whaddaya say?” Stan asked. Just as he did, though, a loud honk was heard, and Mabel, Dipper, and Soos cheered as they sailed off. 

“Ingrates!” Grunkle Stan yelled. “Aww, who needs ‘em? I got a whole box of creepy fishing lures to keep me company,” he said. He stared at the lure box for a moment before closing it in disgust. 

On the S.S. _Cool Dude_ , Dipper placed a foot on the railing and a hand over his eyes. “Hoist the anchor!” he called out, and Soos took a cinderblock attached to a chain out of the water. “Raise the flag!” he continued, and Mabel held up a beach towel. 

“We’re gonna find that Gobblewonker!” Mabel declared. 

“We’re gonna win that photo contest!” Dipper added. 

“Do any of you dudes have sunscreen?” Soos asked. 

“We’re gonna... go get sunscreen!” Dipper said. Soos turned the boat around as he and Mabel cheered. 

——— 

“Alright, cameras...” Dipper mumbled to himself. When they had gotten back to land, he told Mabel and Soos that he wanted to look for something while they got sunscreen, and they all agreed to meet back at the boat. They would need cameras, obviously, since they were trying to win a photo contest, and while Soos did have a phone, it was better to be prepared, so Dipper walked towards the lakeside shop, hoping to find some disposable cameras. He was so busy thinking about how many he could store on his person, though, that he didn’t realize that there was someone in his path until he was on the ground. 

“Ack!” 

“Oh, geez, sorry!” the person said. 

“No, it was my fault,” Dipper said, looking up to see that the other person, a girl his age, had also fallen. “I should be the one apologizing.” 

He stood up and reached out a hand, which the girl took gratefully. He helped her up, then dusted himself off before looking back at her again. 

“Are- are you alright?” he asked, his brow furrowing. 

“Huh?” 

“You seem nervous...” 

“Is it that obvious?” she asked, sighing. “I’m trying to hide from my family.” 

“I know that feeling,” he said. 

“Do you know any good hiding spots? I’m not from around here...” 

“Um, not really...” Dipper said. Suddenly, he had an idea. “But you could come hang out with my sister and I! We’re not from around here either, so it would be nice to have a friend outside of our family.” 

“R-really? Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, of course. Oh, but I was actually going to buy a bunch of disposable cameras, so that might take a minute...” 

“I’ll come with you! I mean, if that’s okay.” 

“Yeah, sure!” Dipper said. “Oh, also, my name’s Dipper Pines.” 

“I’m Molly Blyndeff,” the girl told him. 

“Alright, let’s get going,” Dipper said, and the two started to walk to the lakeside store. 

“So, why do you need a bunch of disposable cameras, anyway?” Molly asked. 

“Well, it’s kinda complicated, but I saw an ad in the news this morning...”


	4. To Scuttlebutt Island

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, sorry that this took forever, hope you like it.

“...So, yeah, that’s basically the plan,” Dipper said, picking up a camera and inspecting it. 

“Wasn’t the Gobblewonker what that old man was screaming about?” Molly asked. 

“Yeah, actually. Hey, do you have any ideas for where I can keep cameras?” 

“Under your hat?” 

“Good idea!” 

Eventually, the two of them purchased the cameras and walked to the boat. Mabel and Soos were already there. 

Mabel gasped when she saw Molly. “Hi, I’m Mabel, what’s your name? I love your hair!” 

“My name’s Molly, and thanks,” the other girl said with a small smile. 

“She’s also trying to avoid family, so I invited her on our monster hunt,” Dipper explained. “Is that cool with you guys?” 

“Uh, yeah! I can’t believe we’ve already made a new friend!” Mabel said.

“The more the merrier, dawg!” Soos said. 

“Alright, then, let’s get going!” 

——— 

Dipper paced as Mabel, Molly, and Soos watched. “Alright,” he said. “If we wanna win this contest we’ve gotta do it right! Think. What’s the number one problem with most monster hunts?” 

“You’re a side character, then you die within the first five minutes of the movie,” Soos answered. A moment later, his eyes widened. “Dude, am I a side character!? Do you ever think about stuff like that?” 

“You!?” Molly said, her own eyes widening as she held her face in her hands “I just got here! I’m doomed!” 

“No, no, no. Camera trouble! Say Bigfoot shows up,” Dipper said. “Soos, be Bigfoot?” 

Soos struck a pose. 

"There he is, Bigfoot!" Dipper said, one hand on his cheek, the other pointing at Soos. He patted his vest. "Uh oh, no camera! Oh wait, here's one!" He brought out a camera, bringing it to his face. "Aw, no film! You see, y'see what I'm, doing, here?" 

The other three nodded as he walked over to them. "Dude's got a point," Soos said. 

Dipper raised his pointer finger to the sky. "That's why I bought _twenty-one_ disposable cameras! Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one... under my hat! There's no way we're gonna miss this. Okay everybody, let's test our cameras out!" 

Soos took a picture, but the flash startled him, causing him to yell out and fling the camera into the water. 

"Y'see? this is exactly why you need backup cameras," Dipper said. "We still have twenty!" 

Just then, a seagull flew uncomfortably close to Mabel. "Ah, bird!" she yelled, throwing the camera she held at it. It missed, landing in the water. 

"Why is there a seagull at the lake?" Molly asked, more to herself than any of the others. 

"...Nineteen, okay, guys, I repeat: don't lose your cameras," Dipper said. 

"Wait, lose the cameras?" Soos asked. 

"DON'T!" 

"Dude, I just threw two away." 

"Seventeen! Alright! We still have seventeen camera-" Dipper said, bringing a fist down and accidentally smashing a camera. "Sixteen. We have sixteen cameras. Actually, wait," he said, turning to Molly. "What about your cameras?" 

"They're all fine," she said. 

"Oh. That's good to hear," he said, looking down at the remains of the camera he'd crushed, wincing. "I'm glad at least one of us can be trusted with a camera." 

Molly shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm used to being the responsible one." 

Dipper raised an eyebrow, but before he could ask what she meant, Mabel caught their attention. She was holding a camera over the edge of the boat in one hand and the camera bag in the other. "So what's the plan? Throw more cameras overboard or what?" 

"NO! No. Okay. You and Molly will be lookout, Soos can work the steering wheel, and I'll be captain," Dipper said. 

"What? Why do you get to be captain?" Mabel asked, dropping the cameras. "What about Mabel, huh? Mab-el! Mab-el! Mab-el! Mab-el!" 

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." 

"What about co-captain?" 

"There's no such thing as co-captain." 

"Ah, whoops," Mabel said, tossing a camera into the water. 

"Okay, fine! You can be co-captain," Dipper said. 

"Can I be associate co-captain?" Soos asked. 

"As co-captain, I authorize that request," Mabel said. 

"What does that make me?" Molly asked. 

Mabel thought for a moment. "Co-associate co-captain!" 

"Alright." 

" _Anyway_ ," Dipper said, making everyone turn to him. "We gotta figure out where that monster's hiding. Let's discuss epithets." 

Mabel's eyes lit up. "Ooh, me first! Mine's Empathy!" 

"Whoa!" Soos said. 

"She can use it to feel other's emotions," Dipper explained. "Mabel, do you think you could try and find the monster's emotions?" 

"Well, I've never tried to use it on a monster..." she said. "But it works on dogs, so it's worth a shot!" 

"Alright. My epithet is Curiosity. I can use it to detect mysteries. I don't have much practice with it, but I'll try to find the monster with it," Dipper said. "What about you guys? Are you inscribed?" 

"You bet dude!" Soos said. "I've got Bounce. Let's me make, like, monster jumps. Probably shouldn't use it on a boat, though." 

"That's alright. When we get to the island, you can use it to scope the place out for us," Dipper suggested. Soos nodded. 

"Are you inscribed, Molly?" Mabel asked. The other girl nodded. "So, what's your epithet, then?" 

"Oh, it's Dumb," Molly said, looking down. 

"Pfft, what? I'm sure it's great!" 

"No, it's actually the word Dumb," Molly clarified. 

"Oh, really? Cool! What's it do?" 

"Well, I can silence things." 

"Can you show us?" Dipper asked. 

"Sure," Molly said, and a second later, the four of them were enveloped by a green aura. 

"Wow!" Mabel said. It was like someone had flipped a switch, all of the distant sounds disappearing simultaneously. 

"I call it a silence bubble. Anyone inside it can't be heard by anyone outside it, and vice versa. Anyone inside it can hear anything else inside it just fine, though," Molly explained. 

"Molly, this is amazing!" Dipper said. 

"Ah, thanks," Molly said, a bit embarrassed. 

"We can use it to sneak up on the Gobblewonker!" he suggested, and Mabel nodded. 

"We can get a picture of it without it ever knowing!" 

Molly got rid of the bubble, and Dipper started to explain the rest of the plan. 

"So, the monster's probably somewhere on that island, but there's a possibility it's left by now. If we can't find it on the island, we'll lure it out with this," he said, gesturing towards a barrel of fish food. 

"Permission to taste some?" Soos asked. 

"Granted," Dipper said. 

"Permission co-granted," Mabel said. 

"Permission co-associate co-granted," Molly said. 

"Permission associate co-granted," Soos said before licking some of the fish food. He gagged and coughed as the other three laughed. "Dude, I don't know what I expected that to taste like." 

——— 

The closer the boat got to the island, the foggier it became. A pelican landed on the railing of the boat near Mabel. She took it's beak in her hand. 

"Hey, how's it going?" Mabel asked. Dipper was helping with lookout, but he stopped when he saw what she was doing, eyes wide. 

_"It's going awesome! Bow bow, buh bow bow!"_ Mabel said in a weird voice, moving the pelican's beak in time with the words. 

"Mabel, leave that thing alone," Dipper ordered. 

_"Aw, I don't mind none!"_ Mabel said. "Hey, look, I'm drinking water!" 

"Where did you get that?" Molly asked. 

"Secret!" Mabel said. She started to try to drink and sing at the same time, but she choked, causing the pelican to fly away. 

"Aren't you supposed to be helping Molly with lookout?" Dipper asked, causing the other girl to look back towards the twins. 

"It's okay. It's not that hard," she said. She had avoided distraction so far, other than when Mabel pulled out a glass off water. She saw that Mabel was holding something behind her back, but didn't say anything, instead going back to looking forwards again. Her eyes widened a bit. "Um, guys?" 

"You should still be helping with lookout," Dipper said. 

"Look out!" Mabel said, throwing a volleyball at Dipper. Molly didn't question where it came from this time. 

"Guys?" 

"Heh heh. But seriously, I'm on it," Mabel said. 

"Guys!" 

"Yeah Molly?" Mabel asked, but before Molly could say anything else, the boat collided with land, throwing the three who hadn't seen it coming off balance. 

"...Land," Molly said as the others righted themselves and she let go of the railing. 

"Wow, Molly, you're a lookout genius!" Mabel said as the four of them got off the boat. "Hamster ball, here we come!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, hope you liked it. Don't be afraid to leave suggestions if you have any, especially for epithets.


	5. The Gobblewonker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey did you know that “real ass goddamn” is apparently a weapon class in the Epithet Erased world, and apparently the only one capable of actually killing people??? On that note, I propose to you: Real Ass Goddamn Grappling Hook

“Dude, check it out. Butt Island.” 

“Soos, you rapscallion!” 

The woods were briefly filled with laughter from Mabel, Soos, and Molly. When Mabel noticed that it was only the three of them, though, she stopped and looked at Dipper. 

“Hey! Why aren’t you laughing?” she asked. “Are you _scared?”_

“Pssh! Yeah, right! I’m not-” 

“Yeah, you are!” Mabel teased, poking at him and blowing a raspberry. 

“Hey!” Dipper said, dropping the lantern he was holding. “Quit...! Stop! Mabel!” 

She did stop, but not because he told her too. It was because they all heard a low growl. 

“Was that the Gobblewonker?” Molly asked, staring wide eyed into the distance. She had picked up the lantern Dipper had dropped, and held it out in front of her. 

“Hopefully,” Dipper said. 

“So, you want me to scope out the island?” Soos asked. 

“If you’re ready,” Dipper said. 

“Alright, just give me a second...” Soos said, shifting in place slightly. Then he bent his knees and jumped _ridiculously_ high, until he became hard to see to the trio on the ground. Then, he came plummeting back to the ground, and for a moment, the other three were worried that they hadn’t thought this through, but Soos landed on his feet completely fine. 

“Oh thank goodness,” Mabel said. “For a second, I thought you were gonna die.” 

“Haha, yeah, I get that a lot,” Soos said. 

“So did you see anything?” Molly asked. 

“I think I saw something, let me get another look,” he said, and a second later, he was in the air again. 

“I wonder if we’re ever gonna get used to that,” Dipper said. The girls nodded in agreement, still looking up into the sky with awe. 

Soon, Soos landed again. “Okay, I’m back,” he said, pointing out into the woods. “And I saw a promising shape in some water over there.” 

“How promising?” Mabel asked. 

“So promising.” 

“Oh boy!” 

“Alright, guys,” Dipper said, looking ahead. “Let’s go.” 

“Yeah!” 

——— 

The four stalked through the woods for a while, occasionally talking to each other, or singing and beatboxing, at one point. Soon, they stood in front of a clearing, and Molly cast a silence bubble over them. 

“This is it! This is it!” Dipper said, and he and Mabel playfully punched each other. “Okay, are you guys ready?” he asked. The other three nodded, and they crept into the clearing, making sure not to leave the bubble. 

Suddenly, Soos started screaming for some reason. The others flinched as he took as many pictures as he could. 

“Hey, wait a second...” Dipper said as the strange shape in the water became clearer through the fog. It was a ruined boat with beavers on it. 

The beavers barked to each other. Whatever they were saying, it was probably riviting, but the four non-beavers nearby were just disappointed. 

“Oh man, I’m sorry dudes. I was sure it was the monster,” Soos said. 

“It’s not your fault, Soos,” Dipper said. 

“Yeah, that’s a really distinct shape,” Molly said. 

“What was that noise, then?” Mabel wondered. She was answered immediately when a nearby beaver turned on a chainsaw. In spite of his disappointment, Soos brought his camera up to take a picture. 

“Maybe that old guy was crazy after all...” Dipper said. 

“He _did_ use the word ‘scrapdoodle...’” Mabel said. She looked the most disappointed of all, and Dipper realized she was feeling all their disappointment on top of her own. He straightened up. 

“W-well, I do still have a strong feeling in my gut, so maybe there’s something else on this island?” 

“So what do we do now?” Molly asked. 

Dipper’s brow furrowed. “Give me a minute to think.” 

——— 

Dipper sat on a rock in the water, his head in his hands. He was having trouble coming up with a plan. 

Soos was taking pictures of the beavers. He seemed to have cheered up, so that was good. 

Mabel was trying to do a cartwheel while Molly watched. She was not succeeding. 

“I can’t believe we ditched Grunkle Stan over nothing...” Dipper grumbled, throwing a stone into the water. Suddenly, the rock he was sitting on shook. “Did you guys feel that?” 

“Feel what?” Mabel asked. Suddenly, her eyes widened. “Dipper, watch out!” 

He let out a scream as the rock he sat on sank. He swam back to shore, Soos helping him up. The four of them watched as a strange silhouette passed by in the water, making Mabel scream. 

“This is it!” Dipper said, taking pictures. The other three backed away. “Come on! This is our chance! What’s wrong with you guys?” 

“Dipper...?” 

“Dude...?” 

“Hey...!” 

“It’s not that hard, alright? All you gotta do is point, and shoot. Like this!” he said, aiming a camera at the Gobblewonker... which was right behind him and looking right at him. It roared, causing him to drop the camera in shock. 

“Run!” Soos shouted as the group fled. The feeling in Dipper’s stomach, which he had been able to mostly ignore, came back in full force just as the monster pushed a tree over. Luckily, Molly tackled him and Mabel just in time to save all three of them. They caught up to Soos who, seeing Dipper’s sudden distress, picked him up. The monster snapped at the girls, and they both jumped onto Soos’ back. 

“The picture...” Dipper protested weakly. 

“I got a bunch of chainsaw beaver pictures! We can pass one of those off as magic or whatever!” Soos said. 

“But it has to be _real!_ ” Dipper insisted, trying to grab a camera from somewhere in his jacket. 

“You dudes hold on!” Soos said. 

“What are you-!” Dipper started, but was cut off by Soos jumping up slightly and falling to the ground, causing him and the girls to scream. He used his epithet to making a long bounce, launching them all the way to the boat. He helped them on before climbing on himself, pushing the boat into the water. 

He ran to the helm. “Let’s get outta here, dudes!” he said, starting to drive away. 

“Alright! This is it!” Dipper said, pulling out the one camera he could find. He brought the camera up to his face, but took it away almost immediately. “ _Cracked lens...!?_ Soos! Get a photo!” He turned around to see Soos throwing cameras at the monster. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” 

“Oh! I still got one left! Don’t worry, dude!” Soos said, throwing his last remaining camera to Dipper. His aim was off, though, causing the camera to hit the wall and break. 

“Molly?” Dipper said, clutching his stomach. The Gobblewonker wasn’t in the water yet, but it was getting closer. 

“I gave them all to Soos! I’m sorry!” she said. 

The monster finally reached the end of the island and jumped into the water. Soos went back to driving away as the kids screamed. 

They ended up back to where they first saw the Gobblewonker. “SOOS! BEAVERS!” Dipper shouted. 

The beavers stood on the ruined boat, unbothered by the boat and monster racing towards them. The S.S. _Cool Dude_ crashed through the wreckage, making the beavers fly into the air and land on the group. 

The beavers began biting them as Soos screamed, stumbling away from the wheel. Mabel, who had shook the beaver on her sleeve off, ran to take his place. Molly cast a bubble over herself and Dipper, and the pain stopped. They were able to pull the beavers off of themselves and throw them at the Gobblewonker, and Molly tried to get Soos to stop running around so she could get the beaver on his face off. 

They drove through an area full of people, upturning their boats and knocking them into the water. The Gobblewonker swiped at them, destroying the control cabin. 

“Ah! Look out!” Mabel shouted before they crashed through a pane of glass that was being transported over the lake for some reason. Soon after, they were driving toward a dead end. “WHERE DO I GO!?” 

Dipper looked around frantically before pulling out the Journal and flipping through the pages. “Um... uh... GO INTO THE FALLS! I think there might be a cave behind there!” 

_“MIGHT BE!?”_ Mabel screamed, but did as he said anyway. The four of them screamed and covered their faces as they crashed through the waterfall. 

The boat crashed into a dirt beach, and the four of them were flung through the air. They stood up, wiping dirt off of themselves. Soos’ shirt and life jacket were gone, but otherwise they were all fine. 

The Gobblewonker entered the cave, roaring, and the group clung to each other. Soon, however, they let go, as they realized something; the monster was stuck. It’s body was too large to get through the opening, and so it couldn’t reach them. They smiled. 

“It’s stuck!” Mabel exclaimed. 

“Ha ha! Yeah! Wait... it’s stuck?” Dipper said. 

“Let’s go up there!” Molly suggested, pointing towards a ledge that would let them take a good photo. 

They ran to it, and Dipper reached a hand into his jacket and paused. He pat his body frantically until Mabel lifted up his hat with a “Boop!” 

He took the camera off his head. “Yes! Thanks for the idea, Molly!” 

She smiled brightly. “You’re welcome!” 

Dipper began to take pictures, laughing. 

“Did you get a good one?” Mabel asked. 

“THEY’RE ALL GOOD ONES!” Dipper said, and he hugged Mabel, who brought in Molly, and they cheered. 

“WOO! HAMSTER BALL!” 

“That was amazing!” Molly said, grinning from ear to ear. 

Suddenly, though, a rock fell on the struggling Gobblewonker, causing sparks to fly out of it. A noise like something shutting down came from it as it’s head fell, eyes flashing before they dulled. 

“What the...?” 

“Huh?” 

Dipper walked over to the monster(?) and touched it’s side. “Huh?” 

“What’s wrong?” 

Dipper knocked on the side, producing a hollow, metallic sound. He started to climb up the “Gobblewonker’s” body. 

“Careful, dude!” 

“I’ve got this! Hold on!” Dipper called back before he left the others’ sight. Soon, though, his head popped back up. “Hey, guys! Come check this out!” 

The other three made their way to him. He stood in front of a handle attached to a hatch, staring down at it. They opened it, causing steam to pour out, and when it cleared, they saw... 

“Work the bellows and the... eh?” Old Man McGucket said, looking up at them. “Aww, banjo polish!” 

“Wha- yo-you!?” Dipper sputtered. “You made this? W-w-why?” 

“...How...?” Molly asked. 

“Well, I-I, uh... I just wanted attention...” 

“I still don’t understand...” 

“Well, first I just hootenhannied up a biochemical brain wave generator, and then I learned to operate a stick-shift with my beard!” McGucket explained enthusiastically. 

“That’s um... that’s really something,” Molly said, looking confused. “But _why_ did you do... all that?” 

“Is it because you’re so sad?” Mabel asked, her face scrunched up in concern. 

“That’s right!” McGucket answered, probably too cheerfully for such a confirmation. “When you get to be an old fella like me, nobody pays any attention to you anymore. My own son hasn’t visited me in months! So I figured I’d catch his fancy with a fifteen ton aquatic robut!” He laughed maniacally, then sighed. 

“That seems _really_ over the top,” Molly pointed out. 

“In retrospect, it seems a bit contrived,” the old man admitted. “You just don’t know the lengths us old-timers go through to for a little quality with our family...” 

The twins pulled out the fishing hats Stan had given them, and they sighed. 

“Dude. I guess the real lake monster is you two. Heh heh!” Soos said. Everyone stared at him. “Sorry, that just like - boom - just popped into my head there. 

They turned back to McGucket. “So, did you ever talk to your son about how you felt?” Mabel asked. 

“No, sir, I got to work straight on the robut!” he said, turning on a projector. “I made lots of robuts in my day! Like when my wife left me and I created a homicidal pterodactyl-tron, or when my pal Ernie didn’t come to my retirement party and I constructed an eighty ton _SHAME BOT_ THAT EXPLODED THE ENTIRE DOWNTOWN AREA!” He laughed again. 

“How in the world are you doing this?” Molly asked. 

“Why, it’s easy with my epithet...my epithet...um,” he stopped for a moment, thinking. “Well, whatever my epithet is, it helps me make robuts!” 

“Wait, you _don’t remember_ your epithet?” Dipper asked in disbelief. 

“Not at the moment, but it’s fine!” McGucket assured them. “It’ll come back to me soon enough! Anyway, time to get back to work on my death ray!” 

He ducked back down, and loud noises came from the hatch. His raised his hand. “Any of you kids got a screwdriver?” 

“Well, so much for the photo contest,” Dipper said, looking at the camera in his hands. 

“You still have one roll of film left,” Mabel said. 

“What do you want to do with it?” 

“Let’s go back to Grunkle Stan,” she suggested. “Spend some time together.” 

Dipper smiled. “Yeah. You’re right.” 

“Um...” Molly spoke up, causing the others to look at her. “Does this mean I have to go back to my dad?” 

——— 

“He’s been fishing for hours, and he still hasn’t caught anything...” Molly said. The four of them stood by the rail of the mostly ruined S.S. _Cool Dude,_ staring at Molly’s dad. He sat in a small boat, a line cast into the water. He was alone; her sister must have left. 

“Has he not noticed that you’re gone?” Mabel asked. 

“Probably not. He forgot me in a museum overnight once,” Molly said, causing all three of them to whip their heads towards her. 

“He _forgot_ you!?” Dipper asked in disbelief. 

“Yeah...” 

“You know what?” Mabel said, sounding determined. “You’re hanging out with us! To Grunkle Stan!” 

“On it!” Soos said, running back to the wheel and driving the boat to Stan’s smaller one. 

“Hey! Over here!” Dipper called out. As both boats stopped, he took a picture of Stan. 

“What the- Kids?” Stan said. “I thought you two were off playing ‘Spin the Bottle’ with Soos!” 

“Well, we spent all day trying to find a ‘legendary’ dinosaur,” Dipper started. 

“But we realized, the only dinosaur we wanna hang out with is right here,” Mabel finished. 

“Save your sympathy! I’ve been having a great time withoutcha’!” Stan claimed. “Makin’ friends, talkin’ to my reflection- I had a run-in with the lake police! Guess I gotta wear this ankle bracelet now, so that’ll be fun.” 

“Wow,” Molly said. 

“So... I guess there isn’t room in that boat for four more?” Dipper asked. 

Stan glared. The twins put on their fishing hats, and his expression softened a bit. “...Who’s the new kid?” he asked. 

“This is our new friend Molly!” Mabel said. 

“Hi,” Molly said. 

“Her dad sucks, so she’s hanging out with us now!” Mabel told Stan. His expression softened further. 

“...You knuckleheads wanna see me thread a hook with my eyes closed?” he asked. 

“Five bucks says you can’t do it!” Dipper challenged. 

“You’re on!” Stan said, and Dipper climbed into the smaller boat. 

“Five more bucks says you can’t do it with your eyes closed, _plus_ me singing at the top of my lungs!” Mabel added. 

“I like those odds!” Stan said, and Mabel and Molly climbed into his boat, followed by Soos just before his boat sank 

“Whoa! What happened to your shirt?” Stan asked. 

“Long story, dude,” Soos said. 

“Alright, everybody get together,” Dipper said. “Say fishing!” 

“Fishing!” 

“Dude, am I in the frame?” Soos asked. He wasn’t, but Dipper took a picture anyway. 

The five of them had an amazing day at the lake, doing fun, probably illegal things. At one point, they passed by Molly’s dad, and she shouted that she was going to spend the night with her new friends, and he simply shouted an “Okay!” back. As the sun began to set, they headed towards the shore. The boat shook. 

“Whoa!” Mabel and Molly said. 

“What was that?” Dipper asked, but the girls just shrugged. 

Far below them, a disposable camera sunk into the water, until it was swallowed whole by the real Gobblewonker. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Efp bmfqebq ebimba efj jxhb efp tlopq jfpqxhb cxpqbo.


	6. Secret Wax Museum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Molly: My dad left me in a museum once. 
> 
> Stan: *already filling out the adoption papers*

Mabel, Dipper, and Molly sat in front of the TV in the living room of the Shack. There was a popcorn bowl in front of Molly and between the twins, and Mabel was working on knitting a sweater as the three of them watched Duck-tective. Mabel gasped and dropped the sweater as Duck-tective stated the truth of an “accident.” 

“That duck is a genius!” she said. 

“Eh, it’s easier to find clues when you’re that close to the ground,” Dipper said. 

“Are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?” Mabel asked. 

“Even if you could, you have a mystery finding epithet,” Molly pointed out. 

“Yeah!” 

“Well, I wouldn’t even have to use it! In fact, you could erase my epithet!” Dipper claimed. “Just by smelling your breath, I can tell you’ve been eating...” He sniffed, and his face scrunched up in confusion. “...an _entire tube of toothpaste?_ ” 

“It was so sparkly...” Mabel said, her shame briefly fanning over the room. 

Just then, Soos ran in. “Hey, dudes, you’ll never guess what I found!” 

“Buried treasure!” Dipper guessed. 

“Buried-!” Mabel started, then laughed, playfully pushing Dipper. “Hey, I was gonna say that!” 

Soos led the three of them into the hallway, in front of a door they’d never seen. “So, I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper. It’s crazy bonkers creepy!” 

“Huh, why didn’t you find it?” Mabel asked Dipper. 

“This _entire house_ sets my epithet off for some reason,” Dipper explained. “When we first got here, I thought I was gonna vomit. I’m learning to ignore it.” 

Soos opened the door, and they all walked in, Dipper turning on a flashlight. 

“Whoa! It’s a secret wax museum!” Dipper said. 

Molly poked a statue of Sherlock Holmes. “It’s so... lifelike.” 

Mabel groaned, causing the others to turn to her. 

“Are you okay?” Dipper asked. 

“Just... got a headache all of a sudden,” Mabel said. 

“I can help!” Molly offered. She walked over to Mabel and put her hands over her head. They glowed green for a moment, then she took them away. 

“Wow!” Mabel exclaimed “It’s gone!” 

“Not exactly,” Molly said. “I dumbed down your pain; it might come back eventually, but you don’t have to worry about it for now.” 

“Whoa, thanks!” 

“No problem!” 

They went back to looking around. “They look so _real_!” Mabel said. 

“Except for this one,” Dipper said, shining his flashlight onto one in particular. 

“Hello!” the “statue” said, causing the four to scream in surprise. “It” chuckled. “It’s just me, your Grunkle Stan!” 

The four screamed again, this time in fear, running away. 

——— 

“Behold, the Gravity Falls Wax Museum!” Stan said once the others had come back. “It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it. I got ‘em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, some kind of, I don’t know, goblin man?” 

“Okay, this place is giving me the creeps,” Dipper said. 

“Yeah, I got a headache when I walked in, what’s up with that?” Mabel asked. 

“How should I know?” Stan asked. “Hey, that could be an attraction... The Room That Gives You a Headache!” 

“Anyway...” Molly said. “How do you just forget about an entire wax museum?” 

Stan shrugged. “Beats me! But now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln, right over-” he turned to a pile of melted wax on the floor. “Oh, oh no!” 

He dropped to his knees and held his hands out over the wax, a soft glow forming around them. The wax began to glow as well, rising from the ground for a moment before it fell back, the glow disappearing. “Dang it!” Stan mumbled, looking up. “Alright, who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I’m looking in your direction!” Looking back down at the wax, he sighed. “How do you fix a wax figure?” 

“Cheer up, Grunkle Stan. Where’s that smile? Mabel asked. Stan grunted, and she poked his face. “Beep, bop, boop!” 

"Ow." 

"Don't worry, Grunkle Stan. I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!" Mabel offered. 

"You really think you can make one of these puppies?" Stan asked.

"Grunkle Stan, I'm an arts and crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm?" Mabel asked, holding up her arm and shaking it a bit. 

"Well, it doesn't seem like I can fix it, and I like your gumption, kid!" 

"I don't know what that word means, but thank you!" 

——— 

Mabel sat on a stool in front of a large block of wax as Dipper and Molly approached her. Suddenly, she jumped up and in front of them, making Dipper choke on his soda for a moment. "Molly, Dipper! What do you guys think of my wax figure idea?" She held up her sketchbook. "She's part fairy princess, and part _horse_ fairy princess!" 

"I know a few people that would like that, actually," Molly said. 

"S-still, maybe you should carve something from real life," Dipper suggested. 

Mabel flipped to the next page of her sketchbook, quickly drawing something before turning it around to show the other two. "Like a waffle, with big arms!" 

"That reminds me of another person I know," Molly said. 

"Well, I was thinking more like, I dunno, someone in your family, or something?" Dipper said. 

"Kids! Have you seen my pants?" Stan asked as he walked towards them and put one foot on a briefcase on the floor and a hand over his eyes, like some kind of dramatic sailor or something. 

Mabel smiled and turned around. "Oh, muse. You work in mysterious ways." 

"Why's she talking to the ceiling?" Stan asked. 

"I think she may have missed the hint," Molly said, glancing at Dipper. He just blushed a bit and coughed into his fist. 

——— 

After a lot of hard work, it was finally done. Mabel had gathered Molly, Soos, and Dipper to view her masterpiece, but when she looked at it again, she realized that something was off. "I think... it needs more glitter." 

"Agreed," Soos said, handing Mabel a bucket filled almost entirely with glitter. She tossed it onto the sculpture, and then they all watched as most of it fell to the ground, leaving the statue looking as though it were shining. A moment later, Stan entered the room. 

"I found my pants, but now I'm missing my-" Stan started, but when he looked up, he screamed, falling to the floor and backing away. 

"Wow," Molly said. 

"What do you think?" Mabel asked. She knew better than to rely on her epithet when she was as excited as she was. 

"I think... the Wax Museum's back in business!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lw'v frplqj.


	7. Off With His Head

Stan had made an event out of the reopening of the wax museum. There were rows of chairs set up in front of a stage where the newest exhibit was hidden under a sheet, while the other statues were set up towards the back. Molly, Dipper, and Wendy were sitting at a table, taking admission fees. 

“Wow, I didn’t expect so many people to show up,” Molly said. 

“I know, right?” Wendy said. “Stan probably bribed them or something.” 

“He bribed me,” Dipper said, holding up some cash. At that, Wendy and Molly held up cash as well, and the three of them laughed. 

“Hey there, kiddo!” a voice said, and Molly tensed up for a second. The three of them looked up to see Molly’s dad and sister approaching. Her dad, Martin, was grinning widely, while her sister, Lorelai, stayed focused on her phone. “So, is this where you’ve been running off to for the past few days?” 

“Uh, yeah...” 

Wendy and Dipper shot each other a look, then Wendy spoke up. “So, two tickets? Yeah, that’ll be...” 

While Wendy dealt with Martin, Dipper reached out and put his hand on Molly’s back. He shot her a smile, and she gave one back. 

“...yeah, and Molly’s gonna be spending the night here tonight. And also tomorrow night. And the next one,” Wendy said. 

“Fine by me! Have fun!” Martin said before walking off with Lorelai. 

“I overcharged him,” Wendy said, holding up a wad of cash. “Let’s get pizza tonight.” 

The other two grinned. 

On the stage, Stan cleared his throat over the microphone. “You all know me, folks! Town darling, ‘Mr. Mystery’! Please, ladies, control yourselves!” 

... 

“As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world has never known! But enough about me. Behold...” he yanked the sheet away. “Me!” 

Soos used his keyboard to make sound effects as Wax Stan was revealed to the audience. A few people clapped politely, and someone coughed. 

“And now a word from our own Mabelangelo!” said Stan, handing the microphone to his great niece. 

“It’s Mabel,” she said, taking the mic before addressing the crowd. “Thank you for coming! I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It’s covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!” 

The audience was predictably grossed out by that, but Mabel just chuckled. “Yeah. I will now take questions!” McGucket raised his hand, and she pointed at him. “You there!” 

“Old Man McGucket, local kook,” he introduced himself. “Are the wax figures alive? And follow-up question, can I survive the wax-man uprising?” 

“Um... Yes! Next question!” Mabel said, pointing to Lorelai. 

“Is that a glue gun stuck to your arm?” she asked. 

Mabel lifted up her arm, looking at the object in question. “Sure is!” 

Lorelai stared for a moment, then shrugged, deciding she was satisfied. 

“You there!” Mabel said, pointing at a man in the front. 

“Toby Determined, _Gravity Falls Gossiper._ Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?” he asked. 

“Your microphone’s a turkey baster, Toby,” Stan said. 

“It certainly is-” 

“Next question,” Stan interrupted, pointing at a woman in the crowd. 

“Shandra Jimenez, a _real_ reporter,” she introduced herself. “Your fliers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?” 

The audience members started murmuring. “That was a typo. Good night, everybody!” Stan said, using a smoke bomb to escape with the admission fees. 

The audience left in varying states of disappointment, some violent. Mabel leaned against the admissions table. “I think that went well.” 

——— 

Later in the Shack, Stan was counting the money he got from admissions. “Hot pumpkin pie! Look at all this cash! And I owe it all to one person,” he said, causing Mabel to look up expectantly. He pointed to Wax Stan. “This guy!” 

Mabel jokingly punched him, and he gave her a noogie. “Yeah, you too, ya little gremlin.” 

Just then, the front door opened. “Yo, I got pizza!” Wendy called out. 

“Pizza!” The twins and Molly cheered, running to meet her. Stan watched them run off, smiling. 

——— 

After dinner, the kids were brushing their teeth. “Hey, you guys wanna do a toothbrush race?” 

“A what?” Molly asked. 

Before Mabel could answer, they heard Stan scream from the living room. “No...  
No... Noooooo!” 

The three of them exchanged a worried look before rushing downstairs. 

“Wax Stan! He’s been... m-murdered!” 

Mabel fainted. 

They called the cops, and when they arrived, Stan explained the situation to them. “I got up to use the john, right? And when I come back, blammo! He’s headless!” 

“My expert handcrafting... besmirched,” Mabel cried, on her knees next to Wax Stan’s headless body. “Besmiiiirrrched!” 

“Who would do something like this?” Dipper asked, moving to comfort his sister. 

“I know he’s just a wax statue, but seeing him just lying on the ground, headless... it’s kind of unsettling,” Molly said. 

“What’s your opinion, Sheriff Blubs?” one of the cops, Deputy Durland, asked the other. 

“Look, we’d love to help you folks, but let’s face the facts...” Blubs said. “This case is unsolvable.” 

“What!?” Stan and the kids cried. 

“You take that back, Sheriff Blubs!” Stan demanded. 

“You haven’t even tried yet!” Molly said. 

“Yeah, she’s right! There’s gotta be evidence, motives, something! You know, if you want, I could help,” Dipper offered. 

“He’s really good!” Mabel said. “He figured out who was eating our tin cans!” 

“All signs pointed to the goat.” 

“Yeah, yeah! Let the boy help. He’s got a little brain up in his head,” Stan said. 

“Plus, he’s got a mystery based epithet!” Molly added. 

“Oooh! Would you look at what we got here! City boy thinks he’s gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!” Blubs said. 

“Huh?” Molly said. 

“I, uh, don’t have a phone,” Dipper said. 

“City boooy! City _booooooy!_ ” Durland hollered, ignoring him. 

“You are adorable!” Blubs said. 

“Adorable?” Dipper repeated, and the cops laughed. 

“Look, P.J.’s, how about you leave the investigating to the grown-ups, okay?” Blubs said. 

“But you aren’t-” Mabel started, only to get cut off by the sheriff’s walkie talkie. 

“Attention, all units! Steve is about to fit an entire cantaloupe into his mouth. Repeat, an entire cantaloupe!” 

“It’s a 23-16!” Durland exclaimed. 

“Let’s move!” Blubs said, and the two ran off, laughing. 

“On the one hand, it’s worrying that they have a code for that,” Molly said. “But on the other hand, I kinda wanna see it.” 

“Well, while they do that, the three of us are going to find the jerk who did this, and get back that head. Then we’ll see who’s adorable,” Dipper said. Then he sneezed, really cutely. 

Both the girls “Aww”ed. “You sneeze like a kitten!” Mabel said. 

He glared at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LW’V FRPLQJ.


End file.
